Mini-review: Ian McDonald's River of Gods

A publishing house.

Editor: Come in, Ian. Take a seat. Now about this manuscript, “River of Gods”.

Ian McDonald: Yes?

Editor: The plot’s solid, the characters are lively, it’s bursting with ideas and the writing is clear and lucid. I’m afraid it’s totally unpublishable.

Ian: Well, I – wait, what? What’s wrong with it?

Editor: The writing is clear and lucid.

Ian: Thanks…?

Editor: Get with the times, Ian. SF readers don’t want clean, descriptive writing. They want funky, they want weird, they want ADD-hyperactive, they want words flying at their face like insects at a windshield. Take this sentence here (jabs finger at page).

Ian (reading): “The man walked slowly along the empty subway platform.” Seems pretty straightforward.

Editor: Exactly! Now read my rewrite.

Ian: “Down in the tunnels. The trainy arteries through which the blood of the city pulses, except the blood is people. A lonely erythrocyte paces like a country mother-in-law. The walli chumpatta stirs.” Is that even real Hindi?

Editor: Doesn’t matter. See how hip it sounds? And it’s three times as long!

Ian: That’s not a good thi-

Editor: Rewrite it. The whole book, like this. I want the writing to be so fresh, so post-cyberpunk, so 21st century, that your readers won’t have a clue what’s going on but will be convinced it’s something really really cool. Now get out of here. Come back when you’ve written me a Miéville.